Ｏｎｃｅ　ｕｐｏｎ　ａ　ｔｉｍｅ

ｓｅｖｅｎ　ｄｅａｄｌｙ　ｓｉｎｓ－
ＬＵＳＴ＆ＥＮＶＹ

這個抬頭是某一集DISCOVERY裡下的標題，很好。

等下說的象鼻海豹也是這集的其中一個episode。裡面七大死罪發生在動物身上都變得很原始，很好笑，也殘忍的好真實。譬如樹獺是個懶鬼，整天就是睡和吃，一個禮拜也才行動一兩百公尺，甚至兩個禮拜才排便。

很多雌性的動物，只要生育過後，有了下一代，也就不想做愛了。這些動物大部分都是母親撫養下一代，而父親則是射精後也就不知去向。

佛洛伊德覺得每個男孩兒都戀母情節，而父親是他們競爭的對象。那父親呢？對他們而言，女兒若是上輩子的情人，兒子是什麼？是對於老婆的競爭者嗎？

公象鼻海豹，是我認為世界上最醜陋的雄性動物。之所以叫象鼻海豹，是因為公性都有一附粗大狀似陽具的大鼻子，肥碩的身體，體脂肪大概有八十（我猜），兩對小小外彎的鰭，陷在身體的兩側。他一生中只有三件事，吃，打架，還有
ＦＵＣＫ。

象鼻海豹棲息在海岸，而這一大片海岸擠滿了肥吱吱的海豹，鬧哄哄沒有隱私的靠著。幾乎所有的海豹都沒有鼻子，她們都是母的，卻共同屬於一隻公象鼻海豹。中國皇帝與後宮三千佳麗就是象鼻海豹的最佳寫照。若是這為皇帝海豹發現有其他男性垂涎他女人或地盤，它們就會打一架，通常皇帝神麼都不會，就是打架他媽的很強。

母海豹身邊都跟隨一兩隻小寶寶，亮亮的皮，肥滾滾。當母海獅有了小孩之後，就不想做愛了，我也不知道為什麼，總之她們是偉大的母親。如果所有的佳麗都懷孕，且都順利生產，就沒有人陪皇帝做愛了。

母海豹出海捕魚給小寶貝的時候，就是小海豹落單最危險的時候，倒不是說會有海鷗從天而降把他叼走，或是被其他母海豹偷抱走，畢竟大家都是共同患難的好姊妹，你的小孩也是我幫忙接生的。

這時候公象鼻海豹就會去挑最嬌弱落單的新生兒，實在是家庭悲劇。由於小寶寶死了之後，基於反衍後代的本能，雌海豹也就願意再跟雄海豹交媾。我看到的那隻小海豹，眼睛都還沒來的及張開見到這世界，就被象鼻皇帝活活反覆叼著拾起，給摔死了。公海豹會將屍體留在命案現場，母海豹回來也就一目了然，沒什麼好說。

Then he can fuck again.

據說，河馬也是這樣。

我似乎太情緒化的去看待動物界繁衍的力量了。但是我就是不爽這掛著老二在臉上的賤男人。

這是媽咪和寶寶曬太陽的照片：
http://www.westnotts.ac.uk/polarchallenge2004/images/elephant5.jpg

以下是關於象鼻海報的基本介紹
The Southern Elephant Seal (M. leonina)

The Elephant Seal is also Known as the Sea Elephant, and there are both Northern and Southern species. They get their name not only from their size; males (bulls) can grow up to 6.5 metres (21 feet) in length and weigh up to 3,500 kilogrammes (just under 4 tons), but also because of the male’s inflatable, trunklike snout.

Females are much smaller than the males, and only reach 3.5 metres (11 feet) in length and weigh around 900 kilogrammes (just under a ton).

Elephant Seals are gregarious (they enjoy each others company!).

The Southern Elephant Seal is a blue-grey colour, and often looks rather ’tatty’ due to the fact that it has a long moulting period, during which it sheds large patches of hair and skin.

They feed on fish and squid or other cephalopods (e.g. octopuses, cuttlefish and nautiluses). The southern elephant seal breeds and moults on land, but spends the Antarctic winters at sea, possibly near the pack ice, but this has never been proven.

During the breeding season the males become very aggressive towards each other, and they fight to establish territories on the beach.

Once they establish a territory, all the females (cows) in it become members of their harem. These harems can be as large as 40 or more cows!

The cows give birth to a single pup each year, mating about 3 weeks after giving birth. Their pregnancy lasts about 11 months.

During the 19th century they were hunted for their oil, and as a result nearly became extinct on the sub antarctic islands.

They are now protected, however, and their numbers have steadily increased so they are no longer endangered.